what if u had an identical twin that did porn and u like went to the grocery and theyre like “omg i saw u take 3 dicks at once while wearing a turtle costume” and ur like “god dammit gary”
I’m reblogging this again cause it’s that awesome.
Then there’s the Navy
im gonna watch an episode of my little pony
i learnt that bullying is wrong and you should make friends with people based on their personality rather than looks how the fuck are people sexualising this show like what the fuckity doo
the ponies are hot, dumb ass -_-
"can i come in?"
"i don’t know, can you?”
cursing quietly, the vampire backed away, foiled yet again by the english teacher’s pedantry
You have discovered a massless particle: the springle.
You walk into the store. You are hungry. You walk to the bakery section. The cookies are edible. You are far to cheap to buy real food. You take a sugar cookie. Springle stares back at you. You are confused. The line behind you grows but you stand there, shaking. You attempt to ask for the rainbow springle, but you can’t.Your world is not normal. People behind you grumble. You cannot buy the springle. Your mind has become the void. A void of springles and rainbows. You stand there hungry and weak. Hungry for the springle.
once i had a dream that my cat was working at mcdonalds w/ me and she had a lil uniform and she kept getting fur in the fries and everyone was yelling at me and saying “ur cat sucks on fries” and i was like “shes just a cat give her a break!” and i woke up crying
You have such a huge fan base and it’s such an interesting show. Do your fans ask you for anything unusual? It being such an unusual show.
Pretzel being very interested in my necklace. Shortly after this she grabbed it in her teeth and tried to run away with it over my shoulder haha.
Oh, right. The marathon. The marathon for Disneyland, the marathon chosen especially to run around Disneyland, Disneyland’s marathon. That marathon?
In honor of back-to-school.
replaced “college applications” with resumes and that’s what you get through college as well…
Because we’re not allowed to own people anymore.
What is the scariest thing about a white person in prison?
You know he did it.
how many Chicago cops does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black.”
A good looking 50 year old white man is trying to get laid on reality TV. What show are you watching?
To catch a predator.
Why do white girls travel in groups of three or five?
They can’t even
What do you call 64 white people in a room? A full blooded Cherokee.
at dinner last night, a coworker was talking about hanging out with his white friends and getting fed up with the racist jokes, and asked them to tell a white people joke. nobody had any, so he googled and found these. after a few of them, people were a lot less comfortable.
white folks, next time you hear a racist joke, maybe lead with one of these in response. tag this “I’m white” when you reblog it, if you are.
im like pre stress stressed like im stressed about the stress that i will b stressed about 4 school……………..education is magical
If you can’t recite every word of this commercial by heart you probably weren’t born in the 90’s